Jules Verne did it, so why can´t we?

 Rexsy receives cosmic symphonies through meditation and creates them in the moment without any editing. "In deep meditative state, as the mind remains silent, cosmic energy pervasively reaches all atoms of life. This movement of energy is wisdom."

Rexsy

So how about this for another idea that came and rested in my nest: 


Lets just say again, for the sake of argument, that a cosmic morning shines onto our planet in the near future and light energy arrives to us from the centre of our galaxy.  It is light that was being obstructed, such as happens with the rays of the sun in the night.  Lets say also that this brings a jump in consciousness.  For a moment let´s just accept it.  

Well then, under a greater consciousness centered in our hearts, we will suddenly see how silly we have been in so many things, sticking to our ego-mind drives, blocking ourselves to the bigger picture, seeing ourselves as individual beings having to “fight” for our survival, holding, grasping onto our grievances about how people have not upheld our self images of how super special we are, having fear as our motivation for so many actions instead of love, and suddenly seeing - how simple it all is! The ego baggage falls from our tense shoulders and our muscles relax into peace, into a more loving existence, into a greater harmony with ourselves, with others and with creation.  We breathe a deep sigh, as if we have just stepped out of a car in the middle of the mountains, after a long journey on the first day of our holidays.  Fresh mountain air!  Release!!

Let´s just believe we can. Let´s imagine we can be it, that we can become this more highly evolved us. 


But my ego-mind, pushing me off course then thinks me: “Yes, maybe I and others can do it but what about the “baddies”, the financial market controllers who would prefer to make money instead of being aware that they are throwing families onto the street, who are making other people´s lives unnecessarily filled with fear of not being able to keep up with rent, with supermarket bills, with the rising tension between people.  What about the bullies who have the material power in the world right now?” 

And this is the thinked thought of today, an answer! - “Well now, just imagine that this higher level consciousness enters into their minds too!  And they realise that what they are doing is not bringing them the love they are looking for, nor the peace, nor the self contentment and that they themselves are caught in a prison of fear (for many people presently would like to see them dead)…it is the Scrooge story!”  

Forced to see himself as he is.

The power of imagination is real, just like Jules Verne who imagined space travel before it was possible, who imagined a submarine before it was possible, like Da Vinci who imagined a plane, or any of the good science-fiction writers who use parts of their brain to see new possibilities that most of us have dormant.  Many well imagined fantasy worlds have later become true, or should I say, have become material (they were always on some dimension true already).  

So lets imagine with all our hearts that these Scrooges of the modern world do in fact listen to the ghost of the past, present and future, and comprehend their situation. Having "seen" these people will yearn for a positive change in their own lives.  For why are there people who are trying to control the world, with microchips, bank systems, see through political wars and big machines that can create naturally appearing disasters that have more killing power than atomic bombs?  Why are they trying to do that?  Do they control because they are they afraid of being controlled?  Are they protecting themselves from massive mental monsters that warp their vision?  Why do these people, like some rich neighbours in my home village, sleep in rooms that are bomb proof with massively thick automatic all-protecting doors?  Who are they really afraid of?  What have they done to think that such a personal attack is possible?  How do they ever feel real love? 

There are two types of power: external power over others and internal power within ourselves.  The first brings tension of having to maintain that imposed power and fear of “mutiny”, fear of being attacked by those who are being controlled against their will.  The second allows us to control our own reactions, to be able to respond well, which brings greater joy and deeper, more intimate relationships based on trust, knowing each has power over themselves and their reactions even in difficult times.  No one is going to blow up because something they didn´t like happened.  It also allows us to have greater confidence in ourselves in easy times and difficult times, greater self esteem and therefore a healthier relationship with the world.  Internal power, which allows one to maintain connection with our true selves, with our joy, with happiness, with a loving attitude, automatically, organically brings others around you, because they want to be there, because it feels good.

If, as we become surrounded by this new earth consciousness, those highly defended behind the bullet proof walls of the present system really do stop to listen to their Scrooge ghosts, then maybe they will comprehend that the power they have exerted over others, and the fear they have generated for themselves are just not necessary any longer: that they are OK, they are safe, they can relax, they need not fight any more for what deep down is only causing them pain.  That they too can simply, with or without money power, be happy and loved, not for what they have, but for who they are.   


As we be the change in ourselves and imagine it for others everything changes!  

Scrooge after his ordeal comes through good and true!

And we can thank them for controlling our world while it was needed, while as a human race we were not able or responsible enough to manage our own affairs, and now, thank you very muchly, it is not needed.  The light is coming! 


We are all ready to step into this new era, where we work with mutual respect and peaceful joy, as we accept ourselves for who we are: Children of the Cosmos.


And you know, if it doesn´t happen, the 2012 thing, if we have all fallen into some collective myth, all the above is still true: we do know that our actions affect our tomorrow, and so lets just do it anyway.  We are the ones we have all been waiting for to evolve human consciousness!!

As the Course of Miracles says:  

“We are limitless in our power and in our peace”. 

Namaste! Paz! Shanti! Peace! ειρήνη!

The Light is Coming!!!!

So women and other feminine spirits of my heart, I have had an idea this morning, which I do not think is really my idea at all, but it just came into me.  How about this:

Lets say, for sake of argument, that we are going into the age of Aquarius.

Lets say, in the global scale that it is around now 2012.

Lets just say that.

Movements of the spheres.

Now, the age of Aquarius, for all the research that I´ve done, and the intuition that flows in, is an age of femininity.  Not of masculinity as we have all been living.  Not of hierarchies and status. As the present masculinity reaches its limit and finds itself meaningless, absurd, it sacrifices itself into the nothingness and we have a re-birth of femininity, giving everything a new meaning.

Lets say that up to now, in the age of Pisces, that we have been giving all authority to external figures: hospitals and doctors, lawyers and courts, teachers and schools, universities and pubs, and other such closely related institutions.  We ask the priest in his church what to believe, the doctor how to relate to our bodies, the school how and what we want to concentrate on.

Lets say that now, we harvest the masculine information and we give thanks for it, and we begin a more feminine way of living: where we exist in the world, dealing with the present, and taking the responsibility of our existence to heart.  Where we begin to decide for ourselves, instead of relying on external authorities, where we begin to have self love and self confidence and self esteem and self respect and self health…where we integrate and see differences and enjoy living.

Enjoy living.

Can you imagine that.  All day, every day?

And why not?

Really?  Why not?

And so, you divine women and men who are in contact with your femininity (we all have our feminine (and masculine) sides), ohh loved ones let us rejoice with our lives in the complexity of our times; because suddenly life IS more complicated, we haven´t got a conveyor belt to stay on any longer, things are changing and with our feminine intuition we are adapting. Only one generation ago women didn´t choose to have children, they just did.  My mother didn´t spend 5 neurotic years swinging, in her mid thirties, to “Yes! I want a child” to “No! I don´t want a child”.  By then she was in the car ferrying me and my bro to swim class, music class and to brownies (where my bro wanted to go) and to the scouts (where I wanted to go).

We seem to have so much newness to contend with as we wonder why the external makes our lives impossible (really who makes our external if not us?). Full respect for those who keep un-knotting themselves, living as they see fit for the here and now, rather than the was and would have been correct.  For it is not easy to decide for oneself, it is not easy to think “What do I want?”, it is not easy to create a life with one´s own creation.  And yet we are.  We are not just doing because someone said we should, as we move around and do this and that and generally fend off the word “failure”.  For we all know we are failures in the past model.  We all know that if we had got down to it, we could have been a useful and influential figure of external authority by now, so that we could have more money and power and respect from traditional others, because god-damn we are all so eduated and intellectual and able. We are sitting on a gold mine.

We have chosen to live A DIFFERENT WAY.  Like artists, who create, we create our own world and as Thomas A Edison said "If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." Just amongst only my beautiful feminine friends we act in front of school children getting dressed up as little red ridinghood and love it, we make documentaries even though it is difficult to get them edited, we start up fish spas, we find new ways to heal our bodies and our wounds, or create keyboards that control two computers, or create a wonderful new dish to eat, or wear pixie ears (it was pixie wasn´t it? (I know this is a sensitive subject)) on dates to relax the guy, or wear goggles when cutting up onions. 

Las señoritas de Avignon.  Picasso

We are being brave enough to try and be ourselves. Bravo! It is by our example that we help the collective consciousness into the next era, where we take the responsibility for our own lives and our emotional reactions to life.

And, finally, thank you to the divas, the women who have gone before us, who have changed the face of the collective, the feminists RIP and now the new women who have had the courage to keep their hearts open even in the uproar of the past pattern crashing, to love, to Love, to allow Love and to allow oneself to be loved, Loved.

Wow, we are doing great girls, women, beautiful men in contact with your feminine being.  We are doing simply great:  Enjoying ourselves, allowing ourselves to be graced with joy and love and creativity, and simply being more authentic.

Nice.

Well done.

Pat on the back. Big sea seal noise of approval. Huarhuarhuar!!

Keep going! Keep risking being yourself, setting up courses that you want to share, allowing children and others to express themselves as they are, not how others think they should be, thinking out of the box, falling in love with the light in someone´s eye regardless of age or race or sex, writing books and poems and acting and singing and dancing and making music and decorating life with the finery of our own expression, allowing differences and beauty to flood like sunlight into our lives. 

And now I´m going to go for a walk to look around and feel it.  Ohh what a glorious day!

Jump into it!!  Enjoy!!  Be!!!

Seal of Approval!!

Right in t´middle of it all: The Splendour of the Horizon between Heaven and Earth.

Parikia bay, where the three of us sat together and sang, over and over again, a healing mantra. A moment of harmony, without, within, between. 

What a wonderful morning!!!  So happy and so filled with sadness; another end.

At 10.15am I was driving Prem and Tazo (his lovely son) to the port to catch the Blue Star ferry for Athens so Tazo could reunite with his mummy.  I was sad, and I knew Tazo was too, and Prem undoubtedly: the stay was coming to an end.  It had come to an end with me.  Tazo asked Daddy if there was a later Blue Star, but it was now or never, once a day: the quarter to eleven.  So, I felt down driving the car out of the house down the country lane.  As the low brick walls flew by, I felt my heart heavy, and this knawing feeling of sadness lurking…that I was "bravely" fending off, and at the same time it fended off any happy feelings that I could be having. Prohibited them actually, by royal command. I was in a “funny” mood…trying to be chirpy, feeling false being chirpy.

And then we passed a house where they had workers outside for the garden and the olive grove…The man in the driveway really caught my attention cos his overalls, originally of worker blue, were covered, almost everywhere, by worker white paint. He was a jack of all trades, and had been doing it a long, long time; or so his overalls declared.  And as I was looking at him, he looked up and gave the most dazzling, happiest smile.  

The message came into my head like a thought: this man is brave enough to be happy.

And there you have it.

And I thought, I can´t cos Prem and Tazo are leaving on the Ferry.

The port at Parikia

And driving and mulling over it, I found myself motivated by him, as if willing me on, cheering from the sidelines. I found myself realising that he must just let go of his "stuff", and simply be. He is happy - it was unmistakeable from his smile. He choses to be happy.  And I too can chose to be happy.

And so (as an experiment only - you MUST understand!) I decided to be brave enough to shed these niggles for a time and just smile and be happy. I thought of the man´s smile and I smiled. The smiling was infectious. I told Prem how that man has no idea how is has smiled bravely to a complete stranger reminding her of the bravery of being happy.  Prem smiled and relaxed.  Prem told Tazo in Greek…

I realised…ahh!!: I had been sad because Tazo was leaving and I wasn´t really connecting to it properly.  So I said “I feel sad because you are leaving. But the painter man has shown me it is OK to be happy as well even if you feel sad.”

And we all smiled.  Wow, Tazo is a sensitive boy if he gets that so early…or maybe it is just so obvious to children, until we teach them out of it. As we lead them into our deep sleeps of adulthood.

And so I thought I SHALL BE ALWAYS HAPPY FROM NOW ON. 

...and felt a lot better. Of course now I was at the end and need not strive any longer.  And for an instant of eternity it was true.

The car drove into a pot hole (impossible not to: I´m sure you can image the state of Greece´s economy is not quite stretching right now to mending quiet country roads) and I thought The air in the tyres and said “I´m going to have to check the air in the tyres” and then I thought on my own…and I don´t really know where to go, or what pressure they should be, and I don´t know how to ask that in Greek and I don´t know if the machine is different, and the car tyres really do feel they need air in.

And I slumped into a funny state, of not really being either here nor there.

Again.

And I started to ruminate and feel that heavy feeling.  But because I had only just recently declared that I was to be happy forever, less than a second before, or maybe I could say because I had woken up for a short time (less than a minute) only seconds or so before, I recognised the incongruency. A miracle! I realised that I had gone back to sleep…I was drifting back into ego land of worries and grievances and problems that I was avoiding and not wanting to face etc etc. Rabble rabble cabbage useless words monkey mind lullaby go to sleep now be a good girl and think of white rabbits cabbage jangle jingle mingle mongle.

And with infinite difficulty with my strongest will under the weight of the world´s duvet, I felt myself resist going back to la-la land, like the feeling of sleepily getting out of bed as I realised: I can chose to be happy instead of this.  And as I did, I realised that I have put air in tyres one hundred million times before and I know exactly what to do: Go towards the machine in the petrol station (any will do) give it a go, get the air tube connected to a back tyre feeling professional and with confidence, look up the chart, understand nothing, and ask the nearest man for assistance who speaks English (and maybe that is not even necessary…hands up in the air, face of bewilderment will probably do it).  

So why was I getting so bent out of shape over putting air in the tyres?   

I think it was my ego kicking me back into sleep mode…and I woke up from the shores!!! For the second time in one day!! I smiled, I saw the beautiful view across the harbour of Parikia, the blue sky, the low stone walls, the pot holes…it is ok to be happy and worried. It is ok to be happy and sad. It is OK to feel. It is all OK.

And there I had it.  If you avoid being sad, you avoid feeling and you cannot feel happy either.  If you decide to be only sad, you are blocking out the happiness (and so is that a false sadness??  I don´t know).  If you decide to be only happy, it will stretch to the limit and become as false as a kodak smile and you will start to get aches and pains all over the place where the sadness, or stress, or fears will need to communicate with you, now not through your mind (which you have closed off to egative feelings) but through your body. Stubborness makes aches reducing the flexibility of joints, lower back is a feeling of lack of support and ability to create, eye represent our egos...it´s all connected somehow, somewhere.  We all are.

Alchemy talks about connecting heaven and earth, Christianity talks about the Jesus state, Muslims the Body of Light, Buddha the no ego, The Jews talk about mystical Jerusalem...ohh I could go on and on...for it seems to me to be all over the sacred texts from all cultures.  Even Father Christmas and Saint George...

We went up to this monastery over-looking the bay of Parikia and it is true! The bay is a perfect heart shape! We all had a great time, being brave on the mountain path and we suddenly felt empowerment to be happy!  Big THANK YOU to Abby for his help.  If we can climb walls outside we can climb them inside too!  Happy day.

Can it be as simple as: being happy for no other reason than we simply are. Are happy. Are alive. Are. Jung talks about re-uniting (religaré), integrating, opposites while still maintaining their relative autonomy on the path of individuation.  The final goal is to be able to see one´s own light and own shadow (for there is no light without shadow) at the same time, as a whole. To see our uni-verse.

And there, once again, me and my ego have made complicated what is so so simple.  Being brave, shedding the coat of the ego´s tricks, to be able to really feel: both sadness and happiness, both freedom and responsibility, both being attached and repelled by the same object or person or self belief system.

…whooooo!!! It was all that I really needed to hear:

It is OK to be happy.  You are fine, you deserve it even when you feel shitty, even when you´ve been shitty.  It is OK also to express sadness, no-one will attack you for it as a weakness, nor as false if you are happy at the same time.

And I smiled.  We arrived at the port.

There were more people hanging over with Christmas travellers. Prem and Tommy standing waving top left.

And I continued smiling as the boat left harbour.  There is something very definitive about a boat leaving, compared to a farewell with a train.  With a train you feel you could chase it, you could go in the same direction if you ran, if you ran to your car.  But you never would consider being able to keep up swimming.  Not really. The sea is a message: you are now separating in opposite directions. 

I stood there, one of the last on what had  only minutes before been a busy hectic port with people all over t´place rushing to get into the steel mouth of the ferry.  Now alone.  There were all the people on the ferry leaning over the side watching the “setting off”. I felt a bit exposed in front of them all, they could all see me…even still, bravely I stood with my handkerchief watching Prem watching me and declared my love for him, my pain that he was leaving, my happiness of being alone for some time…I waved my white, clean enough, cotton hankerchief like I was sending my feelings into the wind, into a whirl of others´ feelings and emotions, adding colour, some colours light - to add life - and some dark - for a depth and profile - some jolly colours some sad…and felt balanced.

I felt full of energy! I felt the energy to create, I felt light and full of light, compared to driving the car only fifteen minutes before when I felt heavy and slow using my energy to block. Instead now, I felt alive, free to be, free to express.

And I came back in the car alive and full, ready to write this article, words flying into my head as I saw the countryside around me.  I drove back along the coast road and then back along “our” road and of course I saw the same man with the painted overalls talking to a friend of his that had stopped by on a mini tractor.  I wondered if I should or not?  Would it be going over the line?  Really should I? Do you actually want to?  Yes I said to myself. Stopped the car and got out.

“Do you speak English?”

“No.”   

Right! Erm. Arm action required.

“Before” circling back my arms through time “I was driving” internation driving action “I was sad” I let my fingers be the tears

“Why?” he says, so he can speak a little then?

“Because my husband (not to complicate things) and his son leave on Blue Star” I flap my arms in the general direction of Athens (I think).

“But!” I continue “I see your face: Big smile” (hands make big smile) “and” (and now you cannot avoid being really true, really honest, you can´t hide behind the words) my hands point to my heart “your smile makes me feel OK, feel better.”

They both smile, such wonderful big, white smiles on their sunbrushed workmen´s faces.

And somehow (it´s strange isn´t it, sometimes you aren´t communicating with word language) somehow the man on the tractor says to me “He always smiles, he is always smiling!”

And I say “It is beautiful isn´t it?” which I hope he understood through the medium of subtitles created in the dancing light between our eyes.  And we all smiled in agreement and I got back into the car.

And as I pulled into the even less repaired road to the house, I thought: and that is it. Get into a good mood, feel happy, allow yourself to acknowledge the suffering in life too, and help others to keep “up”…to stay happy, to keep their light burning through the ever decreasing bouts of unhappiness…we need to be constantly throwing each other the golden rope that connects us to the heavens of Being, and constantly aware of the golden rope being thrown to us.

Have a great New Year.  Out with the old, in with the new.

Happiness to you friends of my heart.

Filakia

τζουλια

Happy New Year from me, Prem and Tazo!

We can all be heroes of our own lives!

It a funny thing being afraid of shadows.  The one that follows you around, scaring you at corners, sneaking up behind your back, is erm, well, just your own.  Funny we should be so afraid of it…its just us, but with much longer legs as the sun sinks in the sky.  The shadow is our parts we don´t seem to control so well, the one that has the tantrums or leaves the house messy, or suddenly breaks down over nothing apparently at all, and also contains our hidden talents.  But we can´t get away from it; it is still us.  

The Camino de Santiago 2007

As we yearn to be our true selves, we live in dread of our shadow rising up to the surface, creating mayhem.  As we fling our arms about in frustration and cry out, all it is trying to say is “Please listen to me”.  In a psychic jail our bad bits are doomed to non-expression, and they often have valid things to tell us, not only about our weaknesses but also about our unheeded strengths.  As we break down once again, it is normally not for the reasons we think.  What has been going on (behind our backs) that we have simply not attended to?

We find our shadows rubbing us up and down in an irritating ways and quite rightly we become irritable.  Take for example seeing an exhibition in an art gallery. Someone always seems to mutter to themselves that “I” (chest puffs out) “could have done THAT!”…in a snort of disgust.  Take Miró´s work.  He is a genius!  And we wonder what would happen if we were to throw paint tins around.  So imagine the private comments outside art exhibitions of local civic centres, you know the ones…

And yes, we can scoff…but really, maybe it is more that we are irritated because we know that we ourselves could have given it a go, and if we´d have kept at it, maybe we could have had the satisfaction of showing our creativity too…but the question is:  Did we?  Did we even try?

Cos it isn´t really the result that matters at the end of the day, but the process.

And I would like to declare my pleasure to the world, that I am pleased with myself.  I have gone out there and somehow, squeezing around the voice of my shadow self, I have managed to put myself out there even though I was sure they would think I was a weirdo!  I have started to do sessions with people with Active Imagination and to my surprise, people actually, really like it.

Of course they do.  Why not?

There is nothing to be afraid of in the world.  Nothing at all to be afraid of.  If we are being motivated to do good, for our will be the will of His will (His being any superior consciousness that you dare to believe in)…then that consciousness (if we have faith in ourselves to be able to relax enough to connect to it) will guide us.  First.  And if we don´t flow, if we really put our feet in where our noses would prefer to ignore, if we come out looking like prize donkeys…then tell this to your shadow: you will not be made fun of at all (or whatever it is we are petrified of).  People really do see how much effort is put in daring to do something, how brave it is to express to others.  Perhaps even it will be a relief for them to see that exposing oneself is not necessarily a perfect show, motivating them to have the confidence to express their own creativity.  For we all have creativity, something that we do well that creates with the material of the world…organising, listening, painting, reading, writing, cooking, understanding, climbing mountains, playing tennis.

But the journey through the shadow to be able to express myself, my beliefs, in public was not plain sailing:  I SHAT myself.  I had pre-session anxiety.  By pre-session I don´t mean the hour before, but the week previous full of short breath, mild panic at seeing time advance towards the date and yet despair as time did not advance fast enough to deliver me from this state of general fear, panic and a deep desire to fly away and live on another planet; or die. 

Many of us have read “The Secret” or seen “What the @#*€ do you know?” or have come into contact with the idea of manifesting reality.  So why would we create such disastrous images in our heads, of the things that really matter to us going absolutely haywire?  We go over and over imagines of being made a laughing stock, of it all going wrong, of our deepest fears? We do this to our OWN mind images!!

So this time I tried to control my own images and I stayed strong enough to imagine supportive images for myself.  First time!  Works a treat.  I imagined that people were happy and pleased and were patting me on the back after the session.  In moments of panic, I tried eventually to remember to come back to my breath, to come back to this moment, and realise that all is ok, I am still alive.  It didn´t work half an hour before while doing a trotting dash to the toilet.  But I handled that as well.  After the session, surprisingly enough, those supportive images came through true.

You see I can only talk for myself, but these sensations, created by fear, by lack, by lack of self belief, of self confidence, are what have been stopping me in my steps (and I suppose continue to stop me).  Fear of unpleasant sensations have acted like brake-blocks on my path, for sooooooo long.  What will they think?  Can also be translated to what will they make me think about myself?

When I was in the Manoush Jazz Group in L´Hospitalet I realised the power of sensations. It´s all in our head!  I was the worst in the group, and apart from being the only one apart from a flute player who didn´t have strings, and it being in a foreign language, and the only one not tuned to C, I have to admit I couldn´t understand a thing.  I had no idea what I had to do, so when it came to my chance to solo, I generally made a right mess of it, often giving up in the middle to stop my and the others´ ears from bleeding.  I would get SO angry, embarrassed, I would feel my face go bright, bright red, and I would hardly be able to play through the rest of the class.  But one day I had a break through…I did the same as I do in meditation.  Observe sensations.  And I realised that this red-faced discomfort only really lasted a couple of minutes, and then it was over.  It was only me keeping me in the discomfort after that!  And the others, who knew my talent better than I did, had long ago accepted (as no big deal) that I was as I was.  It was just me getting red faced angry over the chasm between what I want to be and what I am.

And there we have it.  This fear of acting in life.  This week I heard about a German scientist who has revolutionary ideas about cancer.  My hat off to him, first for exposing himself so bravely in front of a rather disbelieving and scared world of public, and secondly for doing it so well.  Cos, for one, I believe him.  He says, paraphrasing, that the brain connects the mind and the body.  Often there is a conflict between the mind and the body, the brain sends illness to help reduce the conflict, so that the mind may become conscious of the body and communication may begin.  And one of the things that he said made for good health, was having the balls to act. 

What is it that keeps us in our straight jackets?  What is it about our feelings of lack that make us stay in our safety zones with our slippers on, with our laptops at arms´ reach, or a constant fear of the bank balance…?  What is covering over our creativity?

And I think we´ll find it is ourselves.

If we act from the heart there is nothing to fear.

At all.

Not even with that shadow lurking around!  

Our shadow is not just where our fears lie, but our gifts as well.  So let us go beyond the limits of our possibilities and become heroes of our own lives!!

rough diamond

Tricking the mind out of the negative

What I´m beginning to learn is this simple: 

It´s a matter of putting your head in the right place.

Feel good, think good, remember good memories, dream of bright futures.  As simple as that…keeping your head up.

Ahh, the trees are such a wonderful green, light seems to emanate from all that is living, friends call to say wonderful things, you can´t help but give compliments to people and really mean it because you feel you just can´t resist because it is so pleasurable to make people happy and its so wonderful to find someone who is willing to spend a little time to laugh together…it flows so far that you even love the feeling of water running over your fingers and washing up becomes a joy - bliss. 

And so we feel ourselves forever changed, closer to who we always wanted to be: a steady balance of peace, love, joy … and then without warning we are thrown amidst a day dream of how factories are burning black smoke, or the mother-in-law getting right on your…, or suddenly having no money and having to live on the streets and beg to aloof passersby...or worse still having a mortgage. 

And so we come to a Y, we can either roll up our sleeves and get right to it, wallowing in our difficulties, moaning about how everything is so unfair (because it is, it REALLY is) or we go walk the other walk and stay happy, even though all around are not, even as you go out on a leg, feeling a traitor to others´ delicate feelings, and find a route back into a positive feeling of knowing the universe showers us with blessings, providing all that we need, feeling all is in perfect harmony (because it is, it REALLY is).

And there you have it: The Big Y. Choosing to live well. Keeping our heads in a nice place, where we feel loved and secure and loving and comforting, and/or confident and sparkly and supported and lit up, and/or feeling at one with the world in quiet harmony, breathing in the beauty, feeling as strong as a light house as the world rocks around us constantly connecting with this inner peace and security. 

It is SO SO SO easy to fall from there.  Being in that loving-kindness attitude, it feels so easy to be there, as if mere child's play to balance on top of that dome of ice, so sure this state of peace and harmony will last forever.

Gradually, creeping up the back of the garden path, I sense I am being attacked (like really attacked) by thoughts that are destructive. Old familiar wounds, old familiar gripes, comfortable, thought through, homelike mind-patterns.  Maybe at first I am strong enough to ignore these my 'old friends', these destructive negatives, or to reason with them, but after a time, sometimes hours, sometimes days of them telling me repetitive negative things like a radio station in my mind and cunningly weaving them into my love creating thoughts, I begin to listen to them more, god only knows why, and I start to get right inside them, and feel how cruel it is, all of this.  Positive people are so naïve, I grumble, so out of touch with reality.  Everything suddenly reminds me of injustices, desperate futures, personal inadequacy and impotence, and I fall, fall crazily or seepingly into that vertigo that Milan Kundera describes as “the fear of not being able to stop oneself jumping off.” We fall, lovingly addicted to the exhilaration of it as much as we fear the end: the crash with the sensational earth.

Ohh and days and years I have spent in there…wallowing in it, finding myself as the centre of the world and doomed for every ill there could be. I get so ego-centric I begin to have a it-is-raining-just-to-ruin-my-day sort of attitude, and at the same time feeling so insignificant, so detached…

Which is a big difference actually - when we ponder - to feeling wonderfully on top of the world, connected to a unifying consciousness and able to send out love to all beings…really very quite different indeed.

The Letter Y was a sign of discernment and choice for the Pythagorians

And so, my friends, how can we face this dilemma, to stop us yearning and collapsing into the exhilaration of jumping off?

If it´s of any use I´m learning, like a toddler, to walk in the light of happiness and as I feel the first sensations of negative attack, I am trying (sometimes successfully) to trick my mind…by snapping it out of a worn-in habit.  For example, if I am walking then suddenly I walk sideways, or with my arms ridiculously high, or if I am anywhere I try to make my eyes look up higher than they have ever looked up or make a clockwise clock, or try to make them dance to music, exterior or interior.  Or I concentrate on difficult sums like 6x7 (can you do that or is it just me being slow?) or I find ways to interlock my fingers that is not painful, or is. 

As I finish all of this (ridiculous) movement into the unknown, into seeing myself in a new light, and having quite got into skipping, or breathing funnily or balancing a pen on my nose, doing a tennis lession, forcing myself out for a run, I suddenly realise that I am quite a lot further away from those dark thoughts, or, in a particularly successful pranking about, I have found that the dark thoughts have no real influence at all on me right now.

A friend told us the other day that what she does to trick the mind out of miserable thoughts is think of wonderful things that are about to happen to her, like a yoghurt with honey and nuts and her favourite fruit waiting for her in the fridge. Food is so pleasurable it really can help us out of the negativity as our wise friend proves.

(Or sex. Or treating ourselves. Or shopping. Or playing music. Or playing sport.)

But then what happens when we overuse the pleasurable?  Instead of being a way to brighten the spirit, we have all the danger of becoming addicted to it, so that the merest sense of not-being-miserable can only come from the overly-pleasured object. I mean if we were to eat all that we always wanted we would be a life threatening danger to ourselves! Just take a look at Elvis. Do you get me? Or like smoking stresses us so much (more than a non smoker) that we only get relief by smoking (as its absence stresses us out even more)….ohhh wow so we have to trick the mind again, and trick the mind out of being addicted to whatever it has attached its desire to: we can do fasts or can fool ourselves saying we have already smoked, or when the bud of a negative idea pops into our heads we do a new finger movement, or a new way to sit down, a nanu-nanu greeting, or we can right look right into the eyes of the person in the mirror and say truthfully for once, “I love you” or pick up someone else´s toilet paper off the public loo´s floor, or something just to change the neural network, to change the way our minds flow.  To flow into a nicer place.

So we can flow into good. Feeling good, doing good, having a good day.

Easier said than done of course.

Filakia (kisses)

L Driver in tricking the mind.

Girolamo di Benvenuto, “Hércules en la encrucijada”, c. 1500.

Upon reaching adolescence, Hercules went away to a quiet place because he had doubts about the way forward. Then, he came upon two magnificent women. The two women were goddesses.  Vice talks first to Hercules and tries to persuade the boy to accompany her on the 'most enjoyable and easy path'.  It is to the left or sinister. Then the other woman, Virtue, proposes to convert the young man into an excellent artist of fine and venerable work.  The path is to right or the right way. It sparks an argument between the two women. Virtue accuses her rival of falsehood, showing the humiliating setback of where her path inevitably leads. On the right path which is certainly "long and difficult" it leads us to where we "have the highest happiness." (Hans van Kasteel)

Opening

There was a village that was surrounded by a big thick defensive wall. All felt safe within and they lived a village life that was lulling and comforting. The baker baked, the cobbler cobbled, and the children played. All was well with the world, all were happy and in peace, until one day a small child realised that he couldn’t go out and play in the woods outside. A shoemaker told him to get the key, but he couldn’t find it anywhere. His wife, wiping her hands on her apron, came out of the kitchen to help the boy find the key. It was nowhere to be found! Panic spread amongst the villagers like fire… “The key, the Key, the KEY!!” they all cried...all stopped what they were doing in a frantic search for the object that could open the big heavy wooden door to the outside world that suddenly seem so very locked shut.

The big old door to the village

For a long time normal village life stopped as each person looked under crook and cranny, under stones, in sewing baskets, in tool boxes, in the toy corners, in the stables…but alas it was not to be found!

Then one day, they heard a small voice quiver over the wall “I have the key!” and clamouring up the wall to see the source of the good news, griping on for dear life, they spotted a small boy. He said “I shall throw you the key” and lo and behold his aim was perfect! The key sailed over the top of the wall and fell into the hands of the villagers. The small boy, excited, waited outside at the door for it to open. He waited and waited and waited. Where were they? What were they doing? What had gone wrong? He waited until sundown, until he realised that the villagers had forgotten about him, and with a heavy heart, head down, went home.

Time passed and the little boy wondered about the villagers: why hadn’t they opened the door? He decided to return to the village. The door was still locked, cobwebs covered it the same as before. So he scaled heroically over the walls to discover what had happened. There in the centre of the village, in a big beautiful temple with gold ornaments to decorate and flowers to scent, they had placed the key on an altar and were bowing to it, chanting to it, praying to it to intercede on their behalf.

They had never used the key.

_______________________

So, could it be that this is how we all are?  Bowing down to our keys, forgetting to use them? We have the tools to go into the unknown, to come out of our safety zones, to go into the woods of our unconscious…but we don’t. Why not? What tools do we have that we don’t use? What do we venerate which becomes our prison? Why are we afraid to walk through the door?

It’s funny because sometimes something does help, but we make it into such a dogma that it hinders us. Such as smoking, we smoke to relax, and eventually find we cannot relax without smoking. We have placed the packet of cigarettes on the altar and we are bowing down towards it. We have allowed energy to control us, rather than us controlling the energy.

And so, I would like to share with you all my lovely news! I have been given a key, and have had the support and confidence¹ to walk through a doorway in my life.

At one point I felt as if I were walking through a door into absolute darkness and became somewhat terrified. My mum bought me a book once called “Feel The Fear But Do It Anyway”…you get the drift: my chest was tight, and though I felt love and happiness I was scared. Until I realised a very simple thing: the sun shines every morning! There is not an eternal blanket of darkness, in the same way there is not an eternal night.  Every day follows night, every night follows day. We may choose to join up the gaps of dark, or join up the gaps of light, and those who are well travelled on their path may even be able to integrate the days and the nights into a beautiful whole.

And so, as I walk through a new gateway, I have faith in the sun, and look forward to the velvety night of unknowing, for it is only the same material as the day without being able to see it, without wisdom¹ (as yet - I hope). Nothing is so scary if we remember to step into darkness with confidence² of the light we all carry within.

So, yes, I have fallen in love!! I choose to leave Barcelona to move to the Island of Paros in Greece. I went there for a fortnight and came back three fortnights later. It is a wonderful place, and I have been so welcomed into a centre called Taos. It feels like home, and those of you (which are most of you!) who are interested in self development and connecting more to our truer selves, to our light and to our darkness, I invite you to check out the work study programme, or to just come for a short break.

Let us celebrate Life! May we all recognise³ our keys/tools/gifts and have the wisdom¹ to use them when the time is right, to move with the flow, to surrender⁴ to a loving, caring power and to have the peace and joy of resting on our laurels in the beauty of everyday living!



Relaxing in the Restaurant of the Taos Centre

This story has been ripped off (I admit it!!) from Uyallah’s Zen Ring Meditation. I thank her for allowing me to share it.

(1) wisdom: wise "to see," hence "to know" but I prefer the Spanish Sabiduria, which comes from being able to saber: to know and to savour.

(2) confidence: with-faith

(3) recognise: to go through our cognition again (as if we were remembering after having gone through Plato’s River Lethe (Oblivion or Forgetting of Being))

(4) surrender: "give up, deliver over". But sur is under and render: "to repeat," "give back, present, yield," could it be that surrender means a form of giving of ourselves that permits our ego to become invisible and therefore leave our present cycle of Samsara? ...just a thought.





Taos Centre